this has been a phrase the voices have been saying for the past 3 weeks. I feel like i am going mental and probably should be hospitalized but I am too afriad to. I am afriad that the idiot staff won't allow me to have my pain meds and worse, won't let me take my meds the way that I take them at home, which is usually the case. These idiosyncracies are what keeps me up. Every one thinks that I am normal. I put up a great facade that no one sees through. Most people I know would never guess I hear voices all the times, 24/7, a constant stream of sometimes nothingness and at other times confusion as when they start talking all together or at each other, it is hard to follow thier conversations and where it is going. I'm have been under surveillence the past three weeks, constantly watching over my back and my surrounding all the while listening to a cacophony of critical voices that tell me who is watching and who to look out for, who is staring at me or at other times, questioning the way I do things, what I am wearing, why I am going a certain route and why I am not going another. Yea, people would love to know this about me but its better left unsaid as it is too confusing to make sense. sometimes I feel that even when I talk, the outside world just doesn't understand, that what I am saying is too complex. The voices understand, they know my language, thoughts, movements but the past three and a half weeks now, things are different. they have become more commanding in nature and normally I would be scared but I am not. Usually I would be in the hospital by now but I am not. Almost to defy the world. Funny how my psychiatrist noted that she wanted me in the hospital yet has not done so...but she doesn't know my plan or the plan that the voices have crafted. Jupter has aligned with the crescent moon and I shall act soon...
