Difficult week

I got word on Sunday my godfather passed away. I was in shock didn't know what to do. I didn't want to believe that it was true. I finally called his wife to see if it was true, and when she started crying so did I. This man was very important to me and I just couldn't believe that he was gone. I also felt guilty about not seeing him around Christmas and wanted to go down the week after Christmas but because of work I just didn't have the time. Before going to bed Sunday night, I e-mailed work to tell them that I was not going to available most of the week. Ravi's group was pretty much okay with it. Chem lab I didn't hear a peep. I didn't even want to wake up on Monday to have the appointment with my PSYCHO therapist. So when she called me at noon, I told her I didn't want to talk. But unfortunately, she didn't hang up and we talked about my godfather. We talked about him for a little bit but I really didn't want to talk at all about anything. Tuesday night I was supposed to go out with a friend for dinner but because I didn't know when services were going to be held, I have to cancel. Turns out Tuesday was the day from hell as I was rushing to take care of all the samples that I would have Thursday with the exception of the sample from Mashpee. Tuesday was also busy in the lab and one of the CLA’s told my supervisor that I would be working. He was not happy when I told him that I was not going to be working. This just made me feel more stressed out than I already was. I also felt bad as I knew that it was busy and without my help they would not finish until midnight. But I was feeling so numb and horrible after another night of not sleeping that all I wanted to do was go home and crash. Around 10 o'clock Tuesday night I found out services would be held on Thursday and Friday in Westwood. I had a feeling it would be but seeing as my car was still being repaired, I was panicking as to how I was going to get there.

My car was to be finished on Wednesday, but because they had ordered the wrong part it was not going to be ready until Friday. Which turned out not to be so bad as my sister ended up driving us down to Westwood. The funeral was difficult and luckily my father didn't attend his own funeral. He was very annoying the entire day. I had only had around five hours of sleep that day as we had to by 7 AM to get to the funeral home. I only cried a few times during the funeral home and mostly it was because I was seeing someone else cry. I really didn't want to work today. But because I thought I would have a research sample, I made it in. And I went well until the tube station broke down and the cleaners decided to wax the floor. We all couldn't wait until night shift showed up and we bolted out of there.

Since finding about Leo, I have been in a numb state. The despair that I have been feeling has been displaced. Thoughts of SI's have been minimal. I don't know if these feelings are temporary like they usually are or are just a part of grief. I still have the picture of Leo and I on my Facebook page. And I still remember the day it was taken. I do hope that I continue keep in contact with his wife because I don't want her to feel left out or forgotten by her one true love and his family. I wish there was something I could do to ease her pain but only time can heal that wound.

(note this is my first document using Dragon. if grammar isn't correct or things don't make sense, it is because it's still new)